Ok. I’ve done it. I’ve finally mastered the art. I’ve done the studying, I’ve done the research. I’ve done it all. After month’s of hard work and nothing but sheer determination, I’m happy to announce that I am now a graduate, received my Masters in Vajaculation and can join all the other spiritual squirters worldwide in making the world a wetter place. Splash by Splash. Spray by Spray. Where’s my Mortarboard and gown bish?
I shall go forth in pleasure and seize whatever my platinum pussy shall desire.
I’m a human water fountain and I couldn’t be prouder.
However, it’s not exactly something to write home about so I’m going to tell you guys instead! I usually tell my mum everything but I’m not sure how I’d bring this up over Sunday dinner.
Me: “Mum, guess what?”
Mum: “What Sweetie?”
Me: “I learnt to squirt yesterday and I sprayed it all up my fucking wall.”
Naaaaaaaa. I’d rather not.
I’m So Pussy Proud
Proud is an understatement. Like seriously. Do you know how hard this shit is? I swear to you, I’ve spent months trying to perfect my vaginal squirting. I even speculated if it was even a real thing and began to feel like squirting was just a myth. Sort of like the myth about how “too much sex would ruin your vagina!” – completely bogus. But nope, I fucking did it my friends.
I’ve always been in awe of the girls on my Twitter timeline who are frequent squirters. That shit is so hot. I always thought it just looks sexy as hell and I’ve always wanted someone to say to me “Come and squirt on daddy’s dick.”…and now I can do the squirtation on da daddy’s dick myself.
I’m a Vajaculating Vixen
I feel like a squirting superhero right now. Don’t get on my bad side now, or else I’ll open my legs and squirt you in the eyeball with my Vag Venom.
Let’s take it back to the start of my Squirting Studies
So, after many a conversation with a certain male. Let’s call him Daddy. He knows exactly who he is. He had told me how much he’d love me to squirt for him. So we spoke about it a few times on the phone and he explained to me what I needed to do. First off, how sexy is that? Having a man that can teach you things about your own vagina.
Anyway, with a little bit of research on google I started trying and just couldn’t manage it. I just couldn’t get it right and I began getting really frustrated with myself. I almost gave up.
Until…we were having phone sex a few days ago. Now, I’ve got to tell you about daddy because I need you to understand. This isn’t no ordinary man. He is NASTY. Now, me being quite a nasty girl myself…it’s quite hard sometimes to find someone who’s on the same level of NASTY as I am. That shit is hard to find. But I tracked him down!
He got off work and I desperately wanted to make him cum. I didn’t even care about myself, I just wanted to make sure he was good. Like, Good Good. You know like…real gooooooooood.
But my God, Listening to this man breathe the way he does and knowing how much he was loving it. That shit turned me on something chronic and well…the rest was history.
It Isn’t Pee!
(Well not totally.)
I’m not going to lie. It used to really confused me before because I always thought it was JUST pee! I couldn’t get my head around it and there are definitely a lot of conflicting articles online about Squirting itself. Some say that it’s impossible for any liquid other than urine to be released from anywhere around the vagina, and other articles heavily argue about a gland called the “Skene Gland” and how it’s a result of “Female Ejaculation.” Some say that its a combination, mostly prostate fluid but with a little touch or urine.
The first time I actually squirted, I pulled out the responsible toy (a 9 Inch curved dildo – Perfect for hitting that Spot!) and it was dripping. I mean dr-ip-ping wet. I noticed that the liquid was white though. A real milky colour, the only way I can describe it is by imagining diluting milk with water. It wasn’t sticky or thick. It was just milky water.
Another thing I noticed straight away was that it smelt SUPER SWEET. My thighs were wet and it smelt sweet. Really sugary. I even smelt the wet patch on my bed sheets (I had given up at the thought of actually being able to squirt, so I was totally unprepared and made a huge mess!) and it also smelt really sweet. Sort of like sweet popcorn? It’s the strangest, sexiest thing ever.
What helped me achieve Vajaculation
- Relax and take your time
- Get comfortable and lay down a towel
- Locate your G Spot (It feels slightly rigid, on the vaginal wall towards your stomach.)
- Lubrication is key!
- Use a curved sex toy so you can reach that angle.
- Stimulate your G Spot (The more you stimulate, the more you may feel some pressure that feels as though you’re about to urinate. This is a good sign! Relax. You’re not going to pee!)
- Push a little – Stay relaxed.
Personally, these are steps that helped me achieve Squirting Success. It may or may not work for you. Remember that we are all different, it may be easier or harder for you to achieve it. If you have a partner, experiment with him/her and play around a little and most importantly – just have fun!
Squirting is NOT about being sexually liberated
Don’t feel pressure to achieve female ejaculation. Yes, it’s exciting. Yes it may create a bit of a buzz. But it’s nothing short of a party trick. Gushing, Trickling or a full on squirt – there is no right or wrong way to do it…and if you can’t do it. Then that’s ok too.
Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.
Whether it’s climax or squirting, we are all different. We have different bodies that all do different things. Just enjoy the ride!